God bless the bouncy seat! I keep mine in the bathroom and put Caspian in it when I need to do anything in there.

We were out of the house for 9 hours yesterday -- Caspian's longest! First we had my MW's funeral, then driving to the state capital to get his birth certificate, then my PT appointment, then hanging out at my parents' house. He slept most of the time he's in the car seat, but Charlie had him out during my appt, and I had him out at my parents'. He was great!

I can't believe we're flying out Wednesday! I'm starting to freak out about packing. How will I know what to take for the baby? We still have to buy him some dispoisables for the trip.

We'll see the ped and an OB tomorrow, so we should find out what Caspian and I weigh...

I can't believe my child turned one month on Saturday. I can't believe it's been a whole month, yet only a month.


Okay, do not watch the pilot episode of Battlestar Galactica. An android woman was marveling over the fragility of human babies to a mother with a carriage, saying stuff like, "It's amazing that their necks are strong enough to hold up their heads." Then when the mother stepped aside to talk to someone, the android reached in and snapped the baby's neck!!!!!!!!! It was really horrifying.

There is no doubt in my mind that Caspian just spoke to me. Yes, it's 6:40 a.m. Yes, I'm sleep deprived. However, he also spoke once to Charlie and me in the car yesterday, and once more sometime last night. But this time, he was right in front of me, looking at me, and he spoke. It was kind of a cross between a grunt and a coo, but it was clearly different from any other sound he's made before. I suspected he might have a low voice, and I was right...sounds like a baritone. I wish I had a sound file to post!

Okay, as I was posting here, he just started chuckling to himself! Oh my gosh, he's amazing! I can't believe I just heard my baby laugh -- twice!

Caspian went to church for the first time today!

Like many people, he enjoyed the music but fell asleep during the sermon. Unlike many people, he got his diaper changed in the prayer room.

We got word this morning that my midwife, Beth Broderson, succumbed to cancer last night. I grieve for those who never got to meet her, for those who suddenly have to deliver without her, and, selfishly, for myself -- for my subsequent pregnancies that she won't oversee. She's the only GYN I've ever seen, too, and I waited seven years for the privilege of having her deliver my child. Without exaggeration, she is the most amazing human being I've ever met. Was. She was.

It still isn't real for me -- it's like I'm outside myself. I've never had someone in my circle die before.

Every time I start to cry and call out to Jesus in my pain, He says, "She's with me!" It's kind of like getting slapped, the tears get cut off so abruptly. It makes me feel so selfish when I grieve her. She's not only no longer in pain, but she is totally in her element! Beth really was not part of this world -- she was way too incredibly awesome.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/beththemidwife

Well, Caspian and I went somewhere without Daddy for the first time in Caspian's life! Ginny and her boys took us to Sonny's BBQ for lunch today...and we survived! No car crash, no contracting the plague, and no panic attacks. Ginny invited us out a few weeks ago, but we were sooo not ready to leave the house yet. I almost declined again today, but decided to bite the bullet instead. Fortunately, Caspian ate for 30 minutes at breakfast (lying down!!), so he slept almost the entire time.

Another first: he officially, indisputably smiled at me! He was on the bed in the Boppy, facing away from the door. I came back in from the bathroom and peeked at him from behind his head, and he looked up and smiled to see me!!! I was so thrilled, I walked around in front of him and kissed his neck and face a bunch of times...and he smiled again!

Caspian met uncle Stuart yesterday!

I love how Caspian eats with his pinkies up. Usually, he puts both fists up against his temples and just raises those pinkies! My favorite is when he grabs my fingers that are supporting his head and just holds on while he eats. Well, my other favorite is when he stares into my eyes as he's eating. He is so amazing.

I feel better about the pacifier, too. No nipple confusion here! If he just wants to comfort suck, he'll take it. If he wants to eat, he'll take the paci but then screw up his face and spit it out immediately. If he doesn't want anything, he just compresses his lips together! What a smart little boy. Even if we manage to catch his lips open, he'll clench his gums to show he doesn't want it. He does that when he doesn't want any more to eat, too. Nope, mommy, I refuse to open my mouth!

His little noises are great. He makes whiny trumpet sounds like an elephant when he's asleep but stirring. He also growls when he wants to talk. When he cries (which is only at two times: when he has had to wait to eat or when he is naked on the changing table and waiting to eat), it is the most pitiful, heart-wrenching sound in the world. It isn't angry or harsh — it's just sad. You can tell he's just a sad, forlorn little baby. It even sounds like "waah," which totally shocked me.

I never thought I'd clean someone else's face with my own saliva.

Caspian slept from 11:00-3:30 last night! I think he would've slept longer, but a strong poopy sound-smell combination woke me then, and I thought it was him. In my stupor, I shined the flashlight right on his face to check on him. He had been sound asleep and still to that point. Grrr. In retrospect, the smell/sound must've been either my imagination or Mia, who was sleeping next to my head. Caspian's never been stinky in his whole life -- not even his poo! Too bad I didn't remember that last night.

Things I Can Now Do One-Handed:

• wash and dry a load of laundry
• fix a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of milk
• type (either hand)
• smooth and fold a blanket
• apply lotion from a squeeze tube

Don't be impressed; this is out of necessity. We don't have a swing, a bouncy seat, or even a Pack n' Play, and I refuse to leave my child in his bassinet when he's awake, so a lot of things get attempted baby-in-hand. The Moby's too hot to wear all day and too involved just to pop on as needed. My two-handed tasks are piling up, though, so I don't know how much longer we can function this way...

Last night's tub bath was a success! Caspian absolutely adores warm water! After the first split-second of utter shock, he went into an almost-sleep state. We videotaped the whole thing, and these are just two of many good pics (the first one is of him spreading out in relaxation after that first initial shock). I wish our tub was bigger, but at least he finally got clean. I've been feeling so guilty about my dirty baby.



Caspian skipped his usual 7-10 p.m. nap, so he actually slept from midnight to 6 a.m. last night!!! I still wake at every peep he makes (so I didn't actually sleep for all of that time), but it was still an indescribably bigger chunk than I've gotten in the last three weeks. I panicked around 4 or 5 and almost woke him up to eat because it had been so long, but Charlie pointed out that he wasn't giving any hunger cues. Praise God!!!! I'm praying he does it a few more times so I can feel human again...

We finally tried out our Moby Wrap today, and Caspian loves it! He fell right asleep in the newborn hug hold and stayed there for hours! It was great getting to use both hands for something without having to be separated from him.

I was already two pounds below my pre-pg weight at my one week follow-up! My MW wants me to see a chiro and a PT to align my back, which is in a lot of pain from the birth and from carrying around the baby and extra breast weight. I also want the PT to help me with tummy exercises, since I don't want to further injure my back in my zeal to lose the excess preggo belly skin.